Steven Schwartz Photo by NASA E S S AY One of the most pernicious stages of insomnia is when it becomes an opponent. You want to outfox, outflank, out - smart it (lots of adversarial synonyms go through your head at three am). You spend much of your waking day plotting what tactics to use against it. In your head, you readjust your bedtime. If I wait until one am, I might sleep through the night. You calculate how much sleep you got SUMMER 2 018 • THE MIS SOURI RE V IE W 53 the night before as a prognostication of how much you’ll get tonight. It’s like an eating disorder, except the obsession is with hours slept instead of pounds lost. You strategize, you negotiate, you bargain to game an impenetrable system. And then, in the middle of the night when you’re wide awake, you realize that endeavoring to trick yourself back to sleep means the trick is on you. The insomnia has set a trap by making you believe it has a menacing existence outside your own conspiring mind. I made an appointment for an overnight sleep study because, according to my wife, Emily, my snoring
The Missouri Review – University of Missouri
Published: Jul 20, 2018
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