Abstract
When a patent medicine vendor desires to make a specially strong claim for his stuff, he adds to all its other advantages that it has the endorsement of physicians. If by hook or by crook a man who can write "M.D." after his name can be cajoled or bribed to sign a testimonial in favor of a patent nostrum, that testimonial will be kept on duty until the paper fades and the ink has lost its blackness. There are various ways in which to get these endorsements, the most business-like being to buy them outright, provided it does not cost too much. But there is another and better scheme than this. It is to get the doctors to use the nostrum for a while; get them to prescribe and endorse it by writing it up in the medical journals and by talking about it in medical societies. To do this takes time, energy, and no small amount of tact in advertising. The nostrum vendor must give the doctors a present occasionally, such as a pocket-book with an imitation dollar in it; a case containing an assortment of the nostrum to carry in their vest pocket—so they won't forget it—etc., and then he must supply them with an attractive sign to hang on the office wall. This is an especially good thing to do if the sign is ornamental and suggestive. Of course, it must contain the name of the nostrum in plain letters so that all patients can see it easily. A calendar is a good thing, as it will last for a year and yet will change every month. In this way the promoter of the nostrum keeps on the good side of the doctor and can then work him to work the people. It is a great scheme, because money can be made from the start. After the doctors have been used long enough to make the necessary impression on the people, the latter can be handled direct through the newspapers. This method has been used many times in the past, as it is being used now, and will be so long as physicians are such willing tools. These agreeable reflections are called forth through the kindness of a friend who has sent us a clipping from a newspaper called The Mirror. The article is entitled "Mr. Ingalls and Women," although it is difficult to understand just what Ex-Senator Ingalls has to do with the subject, unless it be that he, like the doctors, is used as a tool with which to pull the chestnuts out of the fire. Here is the "meat" of the article, which of course is a paid advertisement, without further comment: Maybe, as a rule, women headache and backache and legache more than men, but I declare to goodness! I never heard of one bellyaching more than the men. And so, not altogether cheerfully, I must yet admit that, in a thousand ways, women are more open to attack than men. Against a host of pains, Nature gave them less armor, while man's civilization increases their need of it. But I thank the Lord, that, even as civilization has increased our pain, lo! many times and manifold, so hath Science given us relief from our suffering. For, perhaps the greatest boon to our race (the blessings of which, men equally share) comes to us under a name of two Greek words, "Anti" and "Kamnos," which Anglicized as Antikamnia, mean "opposed to pain." This has been the sheet anchor of joy in a million homes where pain would dwell. It has harmlessly relieved the untold sufferings of countless mothers and daughters. In opposing and dispelling our pains, it is most democratic (which is not a characteristic of Mr. Ingalls). It cares not whether the cause be a "cold," la grippe, rheumatism or neuralgia—whether it be toothache or stomachache, headache or "that pain in the side"—making no difference whether our sufferings be due to man's inhumanity to woman or Nature's regular periods of distress. It discriminates not in favor of the rich and powerful, neither does it depress the overburdened heart—duchess or nurse, bookkeeper or bluestocking, servant or society queen, it's all the same to Antikamnia Tablets—they relieve them all and plant on the pinched face of pain the roses of health and joy. And right here let me say, parenthetically, for the benefit of my sex (and before I proceed further to demolish Senator John James Ingalls of Kansas), that Antikamnia is put up in the form of five-grain tablets and that the usual dose for adults is from one to two tablets every two to four hours, according to the need. My doctor tells me that physicians prescribe them all over the world, because, unlike opium, narcotics and so many other drugs—gracious me, I can't remember half their names!—Antikamnia Tablets never produce habit, never incapacitate, are always prompt and efficient, have no balloon characteristics, lifting one up among the clouds in "iridescent dreams" only to drop one in the slough of despond. They just relieve the suffering, drive away the pain and leave the nerves as steady as you please, mind you, and Oh! so rested! JAMA. 1900;34:304-305
Journal
JAMA
– American Medical Association
Published: Feb 2, 2000
