Talking Graduate Student Blues, based on Talking Guitar Blues , by Cisco Houston Lawrence S. Mathews 1 1 1335 Bird Road, Ann Arbor, MI 48103, USA; E-mail: LSM11@comcast.net Composed for and first performed April 2007 at a reunion of Richard D. Palmiter’s research group, Department of Biochemistry, University of Washington, Seattle. This song, as performed by Lawrence Mathews, is available for download at www.fasebj.org in the March 2008 issue . You want to get in trouble, I’ll tell you how to do it, Just get yourself a graduate student and then you’re into it... He’ll sleep all day and work all night, you always got to tell him he ain’t got it right, He’ll be fussing at you, grousing, trying to avoid his responsibilities. I got me a student about a year ago, And the chairman said he’d be writing papers in a month or so. So I give him some reprints, a pipet or two, said "There it is, kid, it’s up to you." That dirty dog. Cost me a stipend and tuition. Every cent of money I had. Start-up money too. Since I’d already spent the dough, I didn’t want it to go to waste, you know. So I set the pipets and all the rest right in the middle of a big lab bench, Said, "Kid, we’re going to make a scientist out of you. Plan experiments. Figure things out. Get you a Ph.D." For weeks and weeks he worked like a fiend, just trying to clone that brand-new gene. The Red Book said it’s easy as ABC, but oh, his mistakes was a-killin’ me. Kept forgetting to do the controls. Wouldn’t write down the details. Came late to group meeting. Wanted to quit. But he kept at it night and day, and my postdoc’s hair was a-turning gray, Her face was lined with discontent; I could tell her patience was darn near spent. She was agitated, nervous, wanted to scream. My technician, she took it the worst of all, ’cause she left the lab that coming fall. She said it was med school, but I got my doubts, I think that student drove her out. She’s a game gal, though. Just couldn’t take it any more. Said there’s a limit to everything. Me, I took it a different way, I said, "Kid, you may turn the postdoc gray, And drive the technician from the scene, but either you or me’s going to clone that gene. And I ain’t doing it. I never intended to. You figure it out." Well he did, kind of quick. The next week after the gels was run, the films developed and analysis done, He said, "Here’s the data, and it looks great." I said, "Write it up, kid, before it’s too late." So we sent in the manuscript. But it was rejected. At Science, Nature, the FASEB Journal , and the JBC . <h3>ACKNOWLEDGMENTS</h3> Song submitted by Christopher K. Mathews, Department of Biochemistry and Biophysics, Oregon State University, Corvallis, OR <h3>FOOTNOTES</h3> The opinions expressed in editorials, essays, letters to the editor, and other articles comprising the Up Front section are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FASEB or its constituent societies . The FASEB Journal welcomes all points of view and many voices. We look forward to hearing these in the form of op-ed pieces and/or letters from its readers addressed to journals@faseb.org .

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